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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist DorianMale/United States Recent Activity
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LAVAzWOLF
Dorian
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
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Watching by LAVAzWOLF
Watching
Art trade with nashi-hime.deviantart.com/  I know, it took forever, but i hope you like it!
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Do you even know?
Laying in bed
A knife to my chest
Trying to cave out
What
Doesnt
Belong.
Do you even know?
Going days without a shower
The pain
Unable to see what lays underneath
Because you know
If you do
You'll realize what
Doesnt
Belong
Do you even know?
The constant
Real
Life
Horror
That is just "your" body
Do you even know?
Unable to gaze into
Your
Own
Refection
Afraid of the truth
Do you even know?
"Thats not ladylike"
"You're not a guy"
"That's not your REAL name "
The constant
Degrading
Disregarding
Of your own identity
Do you even know?
Why the ledge looks so nice?
Why i drown myself in alcohol?
Why the cuts aren't visible?
Why the high is the only way out?
Why only he cares?
Why he loves me ill never understand.
Who could love this body? I ask myself
He holds me
Tears streaming down
Drowning out happiness
But never drowning the love
If I can't even like this body
How could someone so kind
Love
Me?
Well I wasn't going to make a journal about this because why does it matter? I can't keep ignoring it though. If any of you can, i would love to have someone to talk to about this.

Well its no secret that im transgender, as that is usually the reason i make vent journals/art and its always been hard. Well...I've only been doing worse...
I hate to admit that I'm really week willed, especially when it comes to living like this. Im constantly called a girl and when i try to stand up for myself its always "well you're not a guy yet" or "you're still technically a girl"
I hate it. To me it's just a life not worth living at all, but don't take this as im going to kill myself, i have at least one good reason to stay alive but I've gotten to the edge a few more times than I'd care to admit. I have basically a mental breakdown every night usually before I go to bed. It's just getting really untolerable.

On top of all that im not even close to medically transitioning while 2 of my close friends that are both younger than me are either on testosterone or already seeing a therapist. It just fucking sucks...its like ill never be happy... And...whats the point of living when you can never be happy? Whats the point when, no matter how hard you try, no one even seems to try to respect you?


((End Rant))
Do you even know?
Laying in bed
A knife to my chest
Trying to cave out
What
Doesnt
Belong.
Do you even know?
Going days without a shower
The pain
Unable to see what lays underneath
Because you know
If you do
You'll realize what
Doesnt
Belong
Do you even know?
The constant
Real
Life
Horror
That is just "your" body
Do you even know?
Unable to gaze into
Your
Own
Refection
Afraid of the truth
Do you even know?
"Thats not ladylike"
"You're not a guy"
"That's not your REAL name "
The constant
Degrading
Disregarding
Of your own identity
Do you even know?
Why the ledge looks so nice?
Why i drown myself in alcohol?
Why the cuts aren't visible?
Why the high is the only way out?
Why only he cares?
Why he loves me ill never understand.
Who could love this body? I ask myself
He holds me
Tears streaming down
Drowning out happiness
But never drowning the love
If I can't even like this body
How could someone so kind
Love
Me?

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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconwafflewolfu:
WaffleWolfu Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you SO much for following me cuteness!
-much lovies! 
excited happy 
Reply
:iconbutter-jokes:
butter-jokes Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Gaster:
Yttrium
Uranium 
Nobelium
lithium
Potassium
Protactinium 
sulfur
Tantalum ?





Mr.Stabby Seduce for a book- 
Reply
:iconwafflewolfu:
WaffleWolfu Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ok lemme just say that your art is so freaking adorbs. love it. omg. like EEP! Blush 

-much lovies cuteness!
Reply
:iconlavazwolf:
LAVAzWOLF Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ahh thank you!!!
Your art is super cute too though!
Reply
:iconisaisapeeka:
isaisapeeka Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey! Thanks for the watch man.
Means a lot!
Take care, dude.
Reply
:iconnashi-hime:
Nashi-Hime Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hiya. Would you like to do an art trade with me?
Reply
:iconbutter-jokes:
butter-jokes Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Reply
:iconlavazwolf:
LAVAzWOLF Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah sure! What character of yours should i draw?
Reply
:iconnashi-hime:
Nashi-Hime Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Here is a journal with choices for you.
fav.me/d9pzbqx

What would you like me to draw for you?
Reply
:iconlavazwolf:
LAVAzWOLF Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Anything with my fursona lavi would be great!
Reply
(1 Reply)
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